So how was she?
by iheartsergeantsmith
Summary: A little Sam/Phil angst, I had a difficult day so sorry if it's not very good! Astrid you might recognise part of this! Reviews loved x


_I had a difficult day, so was in the mood for some angst, sorry :P  
Reviews are loved Xx_

* * *

Sam slammed the door, and it rattled on it's hinges. She was absolutely furious.

How could he do this? How could he do this to _me_? After everything I have done for him over the years, this is how he repays me?! I loved him. I let him love me.

*

"_So who is she then?" Sam asked, relatively calm for all the anger and hurt she felt inside. _

"_Who's who?" Phil looked back innocently, though this was what he had dreaded. He looked up from the magazine he was reading to where Sam was stood; she held a black lacy thong by the tips of her thumb and forefinger, and just stared him out. He had to look away from her gaze it was so intense. _

"_Oh come on Phil, don't lie to me. Who is she? Because I'm damn sure this doesn't belong to me!" She exploded, throwing the slip at him, a look of complete repulsion and disgust on her face.  
"I didn't--"_

"_Didn't what?! Mean to hurt me? Mean for it to happen? Mean to get CAUGHT?!" Sam shouted, going ballistic. She felt so much pain it was ripping her apart. The pain was even worse, that he had promised never to hurt her, promised never to lie to her. _

_*_

Collapsing down on the double bed that was theirs, Sam let the tears run. Maybe he hadn't known it, but Phil Hunter had all of her. This was exactly the reason she had finished things between them the first time; for fear of being hurt. For fear of being thrown to the side when he met someone younger, sexier, more beautiful. Phil had taken over her heart with such a presence she had almost become dependent on him after a hard day's work. He was always there to comfort her, to cuddle her, to tell her everything was going to work out.

Samantha looked around the room, it was her house but yet so much was his. His toiletries cluttered the bathroom; his shirts took up more than half the wardrobe; the smell of his cologne hung about the bedroom, and although she was so mad at him and what he had done, it was a small comfort.

*

"_I never meant for this to happen. It was just sex." Phil sighed, trying to explain himself, though truly he didn't know why he had done it. Was it the excitement? Fear of getting caught? He didn't know._

"_JUST SEX?! God, Phil! And what does that make me? The woman who just can't keep her boyfriend satisfied? If you have to look elsewhere for sex, you obviously aren't getting your fix here!" Sam's eyes burned with holding back her tears._

"_Babe, I-"_

"_Don't 'Babe' me! You're impossible Phil- Like that will change anything!"_

"_Sam, she meant nothing to me!"_

"_But yet she was worth jeopardizing our relationship!!"_

_*_

Twisting the ring around her finger, Sam sighed inwardly, she felt such pain. The engagement ring's diamond glinted back at her, as if to say 'I told you so.' She should have known it would come to this; her heart on the line. Ever since she had agreed to that first date, Sam had doubted herself. Somewhere inside there was a part of her that had never trusted him, and never would.

She slid the ring off her finger and placed it on the bedside table. It had been so easy to say yes. It had been easy too, to believe that he loved her. It was even easier than she thought, to tell him that she loved him. And she did love him. A lot.

*

"_Can't we just discuss this?" Phil pleaded, taking her wrist. She immediately pulled her hand back and stepped away, _

"Okay, s_o how was she, was she good?" Her voice was distant, but masked all the hurt she was feeling._

"_Sam-" Phil started,_

_Sam immediately cut him off, "You said you wanted to discuss it! You always did like gloating, didn't you. Oh, believe me, I remember that too well. You, coming into the office late as you like, shouting your mouth off to CID about your latest conquest. So tell me, was she good?"_

_*_

It hurt more than she had expected, to hear the answer he had given to that. Lying on the bed, she pulled her knees to her chest and tucked her face into her knees. She didn't want to be here any more, but she had nowhere else to go. More likely than not he would refuse to leave until she forgave him, but she knew that wasn't possible. So for now, she would do with the comfort of the warm bedclothes to soothe the ache that refused to leave her.

*

"_..No!"_

_Sam completely broke down inside; yet another crippling yank on her heartstrings. She had always been able to tell when he was lying. His eyes dodged hers, his tone was hindered. He shook his head unnecessarily, and that half laugh, half sigh sound that he made. She could tell._

"_She was Phil, she was!" Her bottom lip shook, and a tear dripped down her cheek. At least he had the decency to look like he felt bad. "And me?" Sam didn't want to hear any more, she desperately didn't. But she carried on, she needed to know._

_Phil looked at her once more, his look was sympathetic and she knew he felt bad for what he had done, but that was nothing compared to how she felt. _

"_And me?!" She raised her voice, unsure of if she wanted to hear his answer._

_*_

"Sam," Phil spoke softly as he opened the door slowly, and she looked up, just enough for him to see her face. He felt truly awful, as he looked at her red, tear-stained cheeks. Her smeared mascara that had run down her face had dripped onto the sheets, leaving a black stain.

"Leave me alone Phil." She mumbled from where she had buried her head in the pillow. Her voice was strained and huskier than usual from all the crying. Despite her order, he walked to the bed and sat on the edge gingerly.

*

"_You," he looked at her, and into her eyes this time, "Sam, I love you, not her."_

"_You didn't answer my question." She said stiffly._

"_The best I've ever had" he muttered, _

_Sam completely ignored him, "Am I not young enough, is that it? Not sexy enough? I don't have big breasts or have legs that come up to here, or wear skimpy outfits. Maybe you need someone who does. I am not right for you obviously, I don't do enough for you. You need a woman who can turn you on instantly, perhaps one who can love you for hours on end, one that has kinky ideas to keep you interested."_

"_STOP!" Phil shouted suddenly, _

"_What is it? That's what you really want. Not me. Not Samantha Nixon, the cold, hard bitch that closes herself off from everything."_

_*_

"I'm sorry." He sighed,

"That doesn't cover it." Sam mumbled, almost inaudible through the pillow. She sat up a moment later, not realising, or caring about the smudged make up on her face, or how ridiculous she must look. She didn't look at his eyes, she couldn't. But a second later she fell forwards, into his side. Feeling his arms envelope her into him, she sobbed against his chest. "I can't trust you. Not again." She said when she had stopped crying, keeping her head against him.

"I know." He nodded, he knew what he had done was terrible and she would most likely hate him forever.

"I can't forgive what you did." She pulled away enough to look up at him for a moment, then cuddled close into him. She snuggled as close as she could get and wound her arms tight around his waist. She could never forgive him, not after this, but she could never hate him either. She loved him too much for that. Even after all he had done, or _who_ he had done, she needed him. She knew it was ridiculous, and it wasn't wise either.

"I can never forgive you that."

"I know." Phil said again, but he understood. His voice was soft and quiet.

It was like a bittersweet craving. She couldn't have what she had always stood for; a relationship built on trust. Sure, they could kiss and make up, but there would always be that doubt. She was unable to keep what she had wanted most; love. In truth she knew, that over time, the love she felt for Phil would eventually fizzle out. No matter how many times he cheated, how many times he played away, there would always be something that drew them together. Because, after all the pain he had caused her, she couldn't bear to let go.

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_Reviews if you can? (I know that was a bit depressing :P) xx_


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